Woke up at 10…I opened my eyes and thought ugh here I go again….in the morning I’m very manic and I shake….I don’t take a volume because I hate feeling like a zombie so I take my neurotin and that usualy stops the shakes and calms my mind….

We had a mechanic over looking at my busbands truck then my mom came over to pick up my son to go to nature trail…on the weekends my husband works afternoons so he is gone…my son is home but he stays in his room so here I sit alone….

The only time my mind stops is when I watch tv or I sleep….I’m not a big tv fan so I clean and when I’m done I just sit their and think….I worry and stress about everything…I try and tell my husband but he’s like why are u stressing about something that is 2 years away….I think about everything including the future… he takes it one day at a time I take it all over the place…

I’m bored my mind won’t stop done cleaning so now what do I do…sit think and stress….this is an everyday thing….my meds do not help at all and I have asked my doctor he said I’m on enough medication and it’s just a side effect of a schitzophrentic person….I will draw color or paint for a while but that’s about it ….I hate it and I hate that I can’t control it…it sucks when u can’t control your own thoughts….I guess this is a venting post 

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